you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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