so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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