If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
