Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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