so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
