I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
