you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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