I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Randomize
