Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Randomize
