Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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