Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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