Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
