Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
