We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
