My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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