Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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