She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
