I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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