I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
