I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
my sisters under your porch take her home
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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