I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
