Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
