if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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