Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
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