Cold hands, warm shart.
at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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