Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
