i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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