so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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