i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
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