4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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