i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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