i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Randomize
