Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
