I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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