after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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