awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
