Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
ok first of all what the fuck
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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