hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
