since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
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