Where are you?
In a non slutty way
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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