it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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