i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
