I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Randomize
