So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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