You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
