i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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