I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
