I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
