Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
