Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
