I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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